To The Boy Who "Broke" Me

You texted me while you were at work wondering if it would be okay if you went to the bars with your friends for a little while after your shift. I said absolutely. I thought it was important for you to go out and have a good time seeing as you had been stressed for weeks about something that you couldn’t get yourself to talk to me about. I told you that you could just give me a call if you needed a ride and I would be there to come and get you. I asked you how long until you would be home and you said it wouldn’t be too long because you were just going to have a couple beers and then come on back. I was excited for you. Happy that you were finally spending time with your friends.

I waited hour after hour in bed for you. 0100, 0200, 0300. The hours went on and I laid restlessly wondering where you were. If you were safe. When you were going to come home. If you were going to come home. I got no sleep and at 0500 when I got up to get ready for work I finally got a message from you. You said you fell asleep at your friend’s house and that you were sorry. That you’d be home later.

I went to work confused. Upset. Concerned. I finally got the nerve to text you saying how upset I was and that’s when you broke up with me. You ended it over text by saying you hadn’t been happy with me for two years.

For two years you led me to believe that I was going to marry you. You let everyone believe that. We spent months discussing where we were going to move and what we were going to do once we did move in together. Once we finally were settled down into our first house, you bought me a dog. You told me it was so when you were at work I could have a companion. You led me on to believe that we could have a future together and you say you weren’t happy with me for two years prior.

I changed my whole life, my dreams, my visions, for you. And maybe I was silly to do so but I was so in love with you. I found new dreams and new passions that all involved you and you just let me continue to believe that they would come true. For two years, we achieved so many things that people our age wouldn’t dare to think about. I was led to believe it was us that achieved them. Little did I know, you only cared about your own agenda.

I was broken for a little while but was able to move on and focus on the things that mattered to me. I was working for a place that I absolutely loved. The people cared for me and I cared for them. I moved into a new place and was so happy with where I was going with my life. Six weeks went on and I finally thought that I was going to be okay. I finally thought that I could be okay without you.

This week I found out that you not only were not happy with me for two years, but you were seeing someone else in that time too. I was crushed. I went into work that day and everyone could see that I was visibly upset. I didn’t know who at the time but as the day progressed, texts came in from friends of who this person was. This person was a girl I worked with. A girl you told me all about and a girl you made up to be the sweetest person around. In hindsight, I should have realized what was going on when you told me about her the first time. I guess love has a way of putting blinders on.

So, here I am. I am hurt. Extremely hurt. But one thing I am not is broken. You may have gotten the ability to say that you manipulated me, but I will NEVER give you the satisfaction of saying that you broke me. I am stronger now in ways that I never thought I could be. I am more confident in myself to speak my mind and my truth than I ever was before. I am not afraid to stand up for myself and advocate for my own needs. I will fulfill my dreams and my passions without you. I don’t need you. I never needed you. I am fearless, independent, original. I am building an empire, finding myself, loving myself, being passionate, growing friendships, meeting new people, and making new memories. I can do this. You did not break me. No one can.